My ModeratelySized Anorexic American Wedding
by ObsessiveOtakuChick
Summary: Kyouya and Tamaki have it all, but will Kyouya's arranged Marriage ruin all of that? Xover with Archie Comics! Humor, TamaKyou


**Archie Comics: We all know them. We've all read them. We used to collect them when we were ten. We reread them now and ask ourselves: "Why in the World did I ever think this was funny?" **

**But, Dear Readers, let me warn you that it is not fortuitous to reread these comics and Ouran on the same day, in your most boring class, next to a person who acts as a living muse, encouraging all manner of crack!fic Plot Bunnies. Makkie, this one's for you.**

**NOTE: Slight AU. This occurs in a world where Éclair existed, like the Anime, but Kyouya's father gave him the title of Heir to the family, Like the Manga.**

**Pairings: Kyouya/Tamaki, Kyouya/Veronica Lodge, Veronica/Archie, Betty/Archie.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Ohtori Manor**

Kyouya stood outside the door to his father's study, fighting the urge to fidget. He frowned down at the single thread that was beginning to fray off his sleeve cuff. Fighting the urge to pick at it, knowing it would only unravel the rest of the shirt; he closed his eyes, breathed deeply and began to think.

Usually Kyouya had a pretty good sense of when he was going to be called for an audience with his father, but this time he had no idea what it could be about. He reviewed his movements of late: He hadn't done anything that could even possibly be misinterpreted as wrong since he had been named the Ohtori Heir. His grades were still perfect, the best in his class, and most likely the best in the school, The Host Club was prospering and he had managed to sweep any and all of the latest scandals around it far, far under the rug…

Kyouya's breath suddenly hitched involuntarily in his throat. His father couldn't possibly have found out about him and Tamaki, could he?

For as far as indulgence went, Tamaki was the only thing Kyouya permitted himself. He spent the majority of his early political career avoiding anything that could ruin what he had built. He knew that nothing ruined a politician's reputation faster than a single private investigator with a camera, catching a midnight tryst with a secretary or streetwalker; it was a thousand times worse than a CEO caught embezzling funds or a professional athlete taking steroids.

And as for his dirty little secret? Heir to the Ohtori family fortune and empire, caught sleeping with a direct competitor, no, the _Enemy,_ and a man no less!

The women's tabloids would label it a romantic story of forbidden love. Kyouya would label it a nightmare.

Forcing himself to calm his breathing, Kyouya looked down at his hands. He had unconsciously been playing with his shirt sleeve, now ruined and half unraveled, his knuckles clenched and white. He wondered if he should go back and change before seeing his father, but he realized he had wasted enough time. If his father truly was angry at him it would be only the worse for him to keep him waiting.

Placing his hand on the elaborate doorknob, Kyouya took a couple more deep breaths, and knocked.

"Come in, Kyouya."

Kyouya entered the room and stood in front of the imposing oak desk, hands respectfully behind his back. It also had the double purpose of hiding his ruined cuff from sight.

Kyouya's Father looked up from his paperwork. Kyouya desperately tried to silently search for any emotion, good or bad.

'_I'm an Ohtori Heir. I've worked Damn hard for that title and I finally won it. I'm going to keep it.'_

"How are you today, Kyouya?"

Kyouya blinked. His Father rarely asked after his health, particularly when sounding so concerned. Kyouya was unnerved, but optimistic, as he didn't sound angry.

"Fine, Thank you, Sir."

'_I've done nothing I could possibly be caught for. Nothing he says can shock me.'_

"Kyouya, now that you are an Ohtori Heir, you will need a wife."

Kyouya blinked again.

'_Except that.'_

"Sir?"

"You're eighteen Kyouya, your two brothers and your sister are both married. When your eldest brother held the title of Heir, he knew it was his duty to forge strong ties with other families in power."

Kyouya said nothing, keeping an unreadable mask on his face.

"Based on the need to keep conflicted interests from occurring, I deemed a Japanese union inauspicious. I thought a European or American tie more beneficial in today's market," He continued.

Kyouya tilted his head a little, the mask still in place. "Very shrewd, sir."

"I chose a family that has interests and investments worldwide, from diamond mines in South Africa to oil fields in Alaska. Their daughter is your age and perfect for the match. I've already informally spoken with her father and he agrees a merger to be in both our best interests. You will be meeting her next week."

Kyouya accepted the folder he was offered dumbly, not bothering to flip through its contents. Bowing, he turned to walk towards the door.

"Kyouya."

He froze, not turning around.

"Yes Father?"

"I'm proud of you."

A small smirk worked its way onto Kyouya's face, hidden from view.

"Thank you, Father."

Closing the heavy doors, Kyouya relaxed his tense posture enough to lean against them, the smirk growing back to its usual size. This was simply a challenge, nothing more, another test put to him by his father, and he would be sure to ace it.

Pushing his glasses up his nose and opening the folder, he grinned openly. He had work to do.

**Meanwhile, in Riverdale U.S.A. …**

"But Daddy!!"

"Now Princess, calm down!"

In the front living room of an elaborate manor, Veronica Lodge was throwing the temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Statues, oil paintings and antique furniture shattered and was reduced to rubble, quailing beneath her fury. Her father winced as the last shards of a Tiffany vase were ground permanently into the Persian carpet.

"You want me to have an arranged marriage to some Japanese boy I don't even know and you want to calm down?!"

"It's not really an arranged marriage…"

The American girl spun around to face her father accusingly, "This is all just another plot to keep me away from Archie, isn't it?!"

"No, of course not! I just…"

"I always knew you hated me! Daddy, you're just a…"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Veronica jumped. Her father almost never yelled at her.

"I am not forcing you to marry a complete stranger, and I most certainly do not hate you!"

"What are you doing then?"

Hiram Lodge sighed, picking his way through the debris in his daughter's wake to stand next to her, guiding her to the couch.

"It's the same as they do in Royal Families these days. We're just trying to nudge you kids into a good direction for everybody concerned. I've met the young man and I think he's a wonderful match for you."

Looking up from her shoes where her gaze had been firmly fixed, Veronica faced her father.

"Really?"

"Princess, would I ever do something that wasn't entirely for you?"

"No."

"Would I ever do something that I knew would make you unhappy?"

"No."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Good, because he'll be here in an hour."

Veronica leaped up, shrieking.

"An HOUR? Daddy, are you trying to give me a Heart Attack? I'm an absolute mess! There's no WAY I'll be presentable in an hour!"

Veronica ran out of the room and up the central staircase, raving to herself about clothes and calling her hairdresser on her cell phone.

Her father sighed and signaled to the maids.

"Please try and clean this up, otherwise greet Mr. Ohtori in the West Salon."

"Yes, Mr. Lodge."

"Oh, and expect a bonus in your paycheck this month."

**One Hour Later**

"Mr. Ohtori, we're here."

Kyouya looked up from reviewing his information again.

He had to admit it; his father had picked the perfect candidate. Lodge Enterprises would compliment the Ohtori Empire perfectly, and based on the rather ditzy personality profiled on the girl he had, it wouldn't be difficult to maintain power in the relationship or the business after a merger.

The Lodge estate was…American. It was obviously the home of someone obscenely rich, and it lavishly screamed it out for anyone passing by to see. Kyouya found it garish and tacky. Smirking to himself, he thought he was lucky they didn't have peacocks strolling around on the grounds.

Mr. Lodge was waiting for him at the front door, and behind him stood a tall, dark-haired, fairly good looking girl, Kyouya recognized from the pictures as his target. She was dressed in a tight red dress that was obviously supposed to accentuate her body's assets, but simply made her look like a tramp. On one hand Kyouya was disappointed, but on the far predominant hand he was relieved she appeared to be everything he had expected: A Foolish Minded Spoiled American Rich Girl, as easy, or easier to read than the customers back at the host club. He smiled. This would be a piece of cake.

His Cell Phone rang unexpectedly, and he answered without thinking.

"Hello?"

"Where ARE you? Where've you been all day?! Are you sick? Why is the phone on long distance? No one's seen you or heard from you all day and the Club is falling apart, and we don't know what's going on with Haruhi and the Twins have gotten into Nekozawa-senp…"

Kyouya closed the phone and turned it off. He'd deal with Tamaki later. Right now he had bigger fish to fry.

Veronica was vaguely disappointed at the man who climbed out of the back of the limo. He was tall enough, but he was too scrawny to fit her tastes. He looked, she thought, like he could be Dilton's Asian cousin.

Kyouya stepped out into the sunshine, blinking slightly as it reflected off of his glasses. He walked up to the front door and shook Mr. Lodge's hand, allowing himself to be introduced.

"And this is my lovely daughter Veronica…"

The girl obviously was let down by what she saw, and Kyouya knew he had to win her over quickly. The only person he knew who was better at that than him was Tamaki. If he was going to sway this girl he'd have to employ some of the thing's he'd learned from him. Swallowing a feeling of slight disgust and...was that guilt? Kyouya put on a winning smile and reached for her outstretched hand, but instead of shaking it, he turned it and kissed it, bowing slightly.

"Enchanted, I'm sure. Meeting you any day is a privilege, princess."

Veronica turned a slight pink, and let out a sound somewhere between an "oh" and a flustered giggle. Her father, sporting a look between a knowing smile and a triumphant grin cleared his throat.

"Well, I have business to attend to. Why don't I let you kids get acquainted?"

Veronica let out another indistinguishable noise, unable to draw her eyes.

Kyouya internal smile widened. Had he said a piece of cake? Make that a piece of wedding cake.

**

* * *

**

Later,

Veronica Lodge was on the phone, desperately trying to reach her best friend.

"Betty?! Betty dear?! I'm getting married!!...Betty, Betty, BETTY, Calm Down,…Betty, stop crying, Betty, it's not what you think,…No, I'm not calling to rub your nose in it, It's not, BETTY! Will you listen to me?! I'm not marrying Archie!...That's right, he's all yours! I met someone better! No, no Betty, I'm not trying to put Archie down,…No, I'm not trying to give you my castoffs…Betty, he's perfect for you, and I found someone perfect for me!...Anyway, will you be my Maid of Honor?

In the corner, the Shadow King smiled triumphantly.

**Two Weeks Later, Riverdale U.S.A.**

Sometime in the middle of the night, Kyouya managed to walk without stumbling into his overly ostentatious room. After closing the door, he made his way to the giant four poster bed and collapsed onto it.

Oh Dear Lord, this was turning out to be a nightmare.

Veronica had demanded the wedding be held as soon as possible, but insisted it didn't look haphazard. The guest lists, the decorations, the Versace wedding dress alone, all of it was getting far out of hand. Kyouya had watched in amazement as Mr. Lodge had given his daughter everything she had asked for, with no regard for cost. The flower bill alone could probably have fed a small African country for a year! And yet, when Kyouya had tried to casually suggest a smaller, more modest affair, she had suggested having a local hamburger and ice cream restaurant called 'Pop's' cater! The very idea made Kyouya nauseous. The entire ordeal made him slightly ill, there was no need to break commoner food into the mix. So they had agreed to the traditional course of Lobster, caviar, filet mignon and other, proper foods.

'_Oh Well_,' Kyouya thought wryly, '_Maybe by the time she's satisfied the family will be broke and my father will let me out of this_.'

Smiling at the thought, though he knew it was impossible, Kyouya forced himself to stand. As much as he would have liked to pass out where he was, the thought of sleeping in his clothes disgusted him. Besides, he'd probably only get three or four hours before Veronica knocked on the door, anxious to tell him about some other trivial wedding detail she had come up with. Kyouya had planned his share of parties for the host club and his family meetings, but even he thought that insisting his room was three doors down the hall from hers so that she could wake him at half past three to discuss whether he wanted four or six inch marzipan sculptures of them on the cake was ridiculous. The rumors were right, Americans truly had no manners.

Groaning ever so slightly as he climbed under the covers and turned off the light, Kyouya's thoughts turned back to home. The reactions of the Host Club members had been…varied, at least.

Haruhi had thought it was sweet, although slightly fast, and the political implications flew completely over her head. She thought Kyouya had simply fallen in love at first sight. Kyouya snorted. Well, what could you expect from a commoner. Although she may have been one of the academics at the school, there were just some social aspects that eluded her completely.

Hunny had smiled and said he would be more than willing to attend if there would be cake, but had then pulled Mori over to the corner to discuss the situation.

The twins had laughed, thinking the whole idea of Kyouya getting married was hilarious, and wished good luck upon the unfortunate bride.

But Tamaki had to be the worst. Kyouya had expected him to go into theatrics, to try to create some spectacularly elaborate and stupid plan to call off the wedding, or at the very least to sulk in the corner for having such an important piece of information kept from him for so long.

But he didn't. He had stared, shocked at the computer screen where they all were huddle for a moment, unable to process the information. Then, in an instant, he had swallowed, but on one of his trademark winning smiles and wished Kyouya all the happiness in the world before excusing himself from the room.

Kyouya sighed. He had tried to call Tamaki on his cell phone later, to try to explain to him more privately, but the phone had been turned off, and all Kyouya got was Tamaki's annoyingly cheerful answering message, which only served to make him feel worse.

Forcibly pushing the uncomfortable thoughts out of his head, he closed his eyes to get some sleep. Instantaneously, his cell phone rang. He sat bolt upright, grabbing his glasses, hoping it was Tamaki. It wasn't.

Answering, he heard the sound of the chief of his private police squad answer. "Sir, we've got a situation down here, would you please come down to advise?"

Suppressing a groan, Kyouya shut the phone and got up to put his clothes back on.

Ten minutes later, he was in the front garden of the Lodge Manor, next to an elaborate fountain of a centaur. A terrified red headed boy knelt on the ground in front of him, hands shaking behind his head.

"We caught him sneaking over the East Wall, he was headed for Miss Lodge's room."

Kyouya managed to convert a yawn to a sigh at the last second. "I see. Well, he's obviously not an assassin, and probably not a threat…"

The boy's eyes widened at this, "Assassin?! I just came to see Ronnie! No one's seen her in two weeks and Betty says she's getting married and…"

"Be Quiet!" Barked one of the guards, and he instantly fell silent.

Kyouya pinched the bridge of his nose. He did NOT need this right now.

"What's going on here?!"

Mr. Lodge, in a burgundy bath robe and bedroom slippers strode out across the lawn, followed by a maid who was desperately trying to slip a coat over his shoulders.

"An intruder, Sir." Replied the guard, before Kyouya waved him silent.

"An Intruder? Good Lord, where?!"

The boy managed to gather up his courage. "Mr. Lodge! Please, tell them I'm not a threat! I just came to see Ronnie!"

"Andrews?! What in God's name…!"

Kyouya motioned to Mr. Lodge, "Sir, why don't you let me handle this one?"

Mr. Lodge looked like he wanted to protest, but gave in, nodding.

Kyouya stepped forward, flipping open his notebook.

"Archibald Andrews, Age 18, Son of Frederick and Mary Andrews, currently graduated from Riverdale High and between jobs. Former boyfriend of Miss Veronica Lodge."

He snapped the notebook shut, "Would you care to explain why you are trespassing on private property in the middle of the night?"

Archie paled, "I just wanted to see Ronnie."

"Mr. Andrews, it's currently 12:47 in the morning! Why was it so imperative to see Miss Lodge?"

"Well, no one's been able to get a hold of her, and now's the only time I thought she'd be home and I just thought that if I…"

Kyouya bent down to see face to face with the boy. "Could it be your intentions were somewhat less than wholesome?"

"No! Of course not!"

He straightened up again and reopened his notebook. "I do not believe Mr. Lodge wishes to press charges," He looked to the man for a confirmation, which he received in the form of a dumbfounded nod, "But I'm afraid your actions here will mean that you will no longer be on the guest list for the wedding. These gentlemen will see you home, Good Night."

Kyouya shut his folder with a snap and turned to walk away, stopping to stand beside Mr. Lodge, watching a babbling and confused Archie be taken away. When the car was no longer visible, he turned to look at Kyouya.

"Kyouya, M'Boy. I think you might be the greatest son-in-law in the world."

Kyouya bowed, "You honor me, sir."

Putting his arm around Kyouya's shoulders, Mr. Lodge began to lead them back to the house, where Mrs. Lodge stood worried.

"Hiram? What is it?"

"Hermione! You're never going to believe it! Andrews isn't coming to the wedding!"

**On the day of the wedding**

The sky was cloudy early that morning, and the servants were talking of bringing the tables for the reception inside, but the skies later cleared, leaving one of the most beautiful days of the summer.

Kyouya's mood however, was the opposite.

The Host Club had arrived the night before, and they had all sat through a rather uncomfortable dinner. Haruhi had managed to beg off on account of the fact that she didn't own a passport, but had sent her best to the "Lovebirds" in a letter delivered by the twins. Veronica had seemed overwhelmed by the number of good looking men at her table, and had flirted shamelessly with Mori, (who seemed rather terrified at the prospect,), the Twins, (who, annoyingly, found it funny as Hell) and briefly Tamaki before she realized it was no use.

Tamaki did not look well. He was perfectly kempt as usual, but nonetheless gave off the look of a man disheveled, and beaten. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked, to Kyouya at least, a few pounds lighter. Tamaki was not acting at all like himself. He smiled and gave polite chit-chat when required, but his smile was hollow and he held none of the enthusiasm or excitement Kyouya had come to relate that smile to the Host Club's King. He radiated the melancholy emotion Kyouya had only seen him with once, the first time he had mistakenly asked about his mother.

Immediately after dinner he excused himself and disappeared. When Kyouya had finally managed to free himself he had searched for almost two hours on the extensive grounds, but failed to find him. He had gone to bed troubled.

He had woken however, in a fairly good mood, eating breakfast in his room.

When he had gone downstairs, he found the twins on one of the couches, flipping through the channels on the giant TV, sprawled over each other.

"Hunny and Mori went to try to beg sweets off the staff, and M'Lord's upstairs. I think he's looking for you." Hikaru said, sounding a little bored.

Kaoru looked up from the old episode of Baywatch, looking interested. "How did you get your father to agree to making M'Lord your best man?"

Kyouya smiled a little, (very little). It's good publicity for the Suohs and Ohtoris to get along. A friendship between the two is encouraged in the public eye.

"Ah. I see," He turned back to the TV, now playing a bad reality show, "But not in private."

It wasn't a question, and Kyouya walked off slightly off balance. The wedding was in three hours and he should probably start getting ready.

* * *

Kyouya climbed out of the shower, toweling off his hair, and reached for his glasses. Only they weren't there.

He looked up to see Tamaki holding them out to him, a sheepish smile on his face.

"The Best Man's supposed to help the Groom get ready, right?"

Kyouya took his glasses and started to say something, but Tamaki interrupted.

"I'll wait outside until you're dressed."

Kyouya stood there dripping and slightly bemused.

A few minutes later he walked out of the bathroom, barefoot and holding his jacket. Tamaki was fiddling with his own suit, playing with the cuff links. When he noticed Kyouya was in the room, he looked up with a start.

Kyouya laid his jacket out on a chair and walked over to the mirror where Tamaki was standing.

"I'm not doing this because I want to."

"I know."

"But do you understand?"

"…I think so."

Kyouya turned Tamaki to face him and kissed him, chastely, on the lips.

Tamaki stared at him blankly for a fraction of a second, before hurling himself at Kyouya, knocking the other boy over and sending them tumbling to the carpet. Their kisses became more and more frenzied, more desperate, until Kyouya rolled them over so he was straddling the blond boy, cradling his neck with one hand, and unbuttoning his tuxedo shirt with the other. Tamaki moaned for a moment, before struggling to sit up and push Kyouya away. Kyouya growled and fought it at first, swiping his tongue across the boy's earlobe at first, causing Tamaki to temporarily weaken, but inevitably succeed in separating the two.

"No. No Kyouya. No more."

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore. I won't. You're getting married."

"So? She doesn't mean anything to me."

"No, but you might mean something to her."

Kyouya almost snorted, but stopped himself. "I doubt it. You saw how she was flirting at dinner last night."

Tamaki managed to extricate himself from underneath Kyouya, struggling to his feet. "She was probably just having last minute doubts. She didn't mean it. But I refuse to be a party to adultery or the soiling of the sanctity of marriage."

Kyouya stared at him for a second before also rising. "That is probably the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard you say."

"…What?"

"How is what I'm doing any different from what you were doing with Éclair?" Kyouya's voice was beginning to rise, and his fists were shaking slightly at his sides. "We're both willing to marry for our parents' happiness and to reach our own ends!"

"It's not the same!" Tamaki's voice was beginning to rise also, his head bowed to hide the emotions on his face.

"Oh? How is it different?! How have you justified this to yourself so you can judge me but put yourself in the clear?!"

"What I did was for my mother! I could care less about the family title; I do what I do to make my grandmother happy! But what you do you do to serve your own purposes! You don't care about anything but yourself and that damn inheritance of yours!! You don't care about the poor girl you're about to marry and you didn't care about me!!"

Kyouya was shocked. Tamaki had never spoken to him like this before, No One, had ever spoken to him like this before.

Tamaki raised his head, and his violet eyes were rimmed with tears. "You don't care, you never cared. And I loved you."

Kyouya couldn't think of anything to say to that. He took a step forward and reached out a hand toward Tamaki only to have it slapped away. The sudden pain made Kyouya find his voice.

"You're right."

Now it was Tamaki's turn to look shocked. "I am?"

"About most of that. I am selfish, I will do anything for myself and my inheritance, and I certainly couldn't give a damn about that spoiled brat who's soon going to be the unworthy Mrs. Ohtori, but you're wrong about one thing."

Kyouya brushed a strand of golden hair out of Tamaki's face and used his thumb to wipe away the tears from Tamaki's eyes.

"I love you, Tamaki Suoh."

Before Tamaki had a chance to react, or even really let the words sink in, a sharp noise from the door drew their attention.

The Maid of Honor stood in the doorway, wearing a pink Vera Wang gown and a brighter pink blush.

"I-I'm so s-sorry. I-I heard raised voices…"

The two boys stared at the girl, horrified.

Suddenly, she smiled. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. I wouldn't do anything to stop this wedding; it means I'll finally have Veronica out of the way to get to Archie."

And closing the door Betty Cooper walked the three doors down the hall to the Bride's room, humming the Wedding March.

The boys looked back at each other.

"Do you mean it?" Tamaki asked quietly.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry you didn't say it sooner."

And with that, Tamaki left the room, leaving Kyouya to prepare for a wedding he dreaded on his own.

* * *

**Meanwhile**, in the gardens, the rest of the Guests had arrived. Kyouya's father was noticeably absent, but his sister had shown up and was currently chatting with some of the Riverdale guests.

Archie was desperately trying to gain entrance in any way he could, and the twins were toying with him and the guards.

The Wedding theme was an East-Meets-West theme, designed to be symbolic. Guests had the options of an American or Japanese Menu, Seating arrangement and entertainment, while the garden was decorated with Rose bushes and Late-blooming Sakura Trees.

Over in one of the Rose Groves, however, trouble was brewing in the meeting of Reggie Mantle and Mitskuni Haniozuka.

"You mean to tell me…You're 18 years old."

"Mm-hmm." Hunny, nodded his head brightly, with a smile that could put a hundred watt bulb to shame for the way it lit up the garden.

"Come off it kid, you're four feet tall and carrying a pink bunny! If you're 18 then I'm a giant!"

Mori stood behind Hunny, placing a hand on his shoulder, but Hunny waved it off.

Reggie started walking in a circle around Hunny, singing a mother goose song to which he got the words all wrong and patting Hunny on the head.

But when he took Bun-Bun and started dangling it above Hunny like a piñata, he had made his gravest mistake.

"Come on shortstop, you're an adult, get it back! Or do you need a stepladder and your mommy? Hyuk-Hyuk, Hyuuuoooohhh!!"

"Duh-uh…Wow," said Moose Mason, standing next to Hunny, who was fiercely hugging his bunny, "Did he hit on your girlfriend too?"

Reggie got up, nursing various pressure points on his body and demanded to the secret police standing there, "Why didn't you do something?! That was assault!"

"I would have sir, but Mr. Haniozuka told us not to."

* * *

The orchestra, (No, not a band, but a 142 piece Orchestra,) struck up and began playing, and the crowd began making its way to its seats.

Kyouya took his place on the stage next to Tamaki and the Twins, and looked over at the wedding procession. Nancy, Midge and Betty were the bridesmaids, and Betty gave them him a sly wink as she took her place. Hunny was the ring bearer, and carried Bun-Bun, who in turn carried a pillow with the rings, which also could have fed a small country. And Mr. Lodge proudly led his little girl up the aisle, who was sporting a gigantic white dress that could have clothed a small country.

The ceremony dragged on for a lifetime, as weddings almost always do, as the minister began to read what he deemed a necessary third of the bible. When he came to the crucial part of : "If anyone have reason why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace," A good quarter of the people in the crowd and on stage seemed to hold their breath.

"Well then, if there is no contestation, we shall move on to the 'I Do's'."

Kyouya said his 'I Do' with a numbness that he couldn't have practiced, later he could barely remember doing it.

When the Minister asked Veronica for her Vow, she got as far as… "I-I….I Don't. I Can't!"

There was a collective gasp from the crowd, along with some 'I knew it!'s and a "WHAT?!" from the Maid in Honor.

"I'm sorry Kyouya, but I simply couldn't marry you!"

"Veronica, Princess, what are you doing?!" Mr. Lodge cried.

"Whenever I think of that sweet, red-headed face, I just…"

Archie, who had finally managed to squeeze through the guards at this, ran up on stage. "You tell 'em Ronnie!"

"There's only two men for me!"

"That's right! …TWO?"

"Hikaru! Kaoru!! Marry me!!"

The twins, who had been snickering behind their hands all this time, suddenly looked up, first at Veronica, then at each other, a look of identical panic on their faces before both taking off and running like hell across the lawn, followed by a giant white cloud of fabric with a brunette head.

Betty was the first to react. "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" Everyone turned to stare at her. Unsure of what to do, she turned and pointed an accusing finger at Kyouya. "HE'S DOING THE BEST MAN!!"

There was even more of a murmur at this then at the "I Don't" and Kyouya's sister let out a triumphant whisper of "I KNEW it!"

Kyouya approached the hysterical girl and said coldly and loudly enough for every one to hear, "I understand you're upset, Miss Cooper, but it would be best for _everyone_ if you calmed down before making false accusations that could ruin people's reputations." Betty stared, Kyouya's eyes made it clear who 'everyone' referred to. Suddenly, Betty took off across the lawn following the other three yelling.

"Veronica! Come back!! Please, Reconsider!!"

Kyouya maintained his composure as the party stared at this spectacle, descending down the stage to Mr. Lodge. "I'm sorry that Miss Lodge has made her choice, sir. But both you and she will hold deep meaning to me for the remainder of my life." And he walked off into the garden, followed at a run by his Best Man.

"So," Piped up one of the maids, "What are we going to do with the Wedding Cake?"

"I'LL EAT IT!" Chorused Jughead and Hunny at the same time.

"Cake-Off!" Yelled the twins, who had managed to elude Veronica somewhere behind the manor when Betty had tackled her.

Tamaki found Kyouya in one of the Sakura Groves, sitting on a bench with his tuxedo jacket beside him. When he heard Tamaki's approach he turned to face him, moving the jacket to give Tamaki somewhere to sit down.

They sat in silence for a moment. Tamaki was the first one to break it. He let out a deep breath and said, "Well…That was close."

Kyouya smiled. Tamaki noticed. "What?! You think this is funny?! You're still going to get into huge trouble, even though it wasn't really your fault. Your father will probably blame you for bringing the twins or something!"

"My father will congratulate me on a disaster well avoided."

Tamaki blinked. "Come again?"

"Ever since I learned of my engagement, I've been doing some private business. The Lodge Enterprises Stock should fall considerably by closing time tomorrow. I was planning to announce our divorce tomorrow for some trivial reason. This way was simply much more pleasant and pro-active. I must remember to thank the twins later."

Tamaki leapt to his feet. "So you've been playing all of us all this time?!"

Kyouya followed him. "It got a confession out of me, didn't it?"

Tamaki smiled. "That's my Kyouya."

Kyouya looked at the smile. It had it's sparkle and sincerity back.

'_No.' _He thought,_ 'That's my Tamaki.'_

The two simply stood there for a minute, relishing the wind in their hair and the freedom of the catastrophe they had narrowly avoided.

"I do wish she hadn't cheated on me before the wedding though."

"That may be the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard you say." Tamaki laughed.

Kyouya looked at him, "Oh?" Tamaki was nearly hysterical now, doubled over with laughter. "Why?"

"You're doing the Best Man!"

Kyouya laughed, pulling him up, and kissed said Best Man, as the wind shook the cherry blossom petals down upon them.

In the background the twins yelled out, "And it's a Draw on account of there's no more cake!"

* * *

…**I wrote Fluff/Angst again, didn't I. Sighs Oh well…**

**Cookie to anyone who caught the Harry Potter Reference!**

**Review, or so help me I'll write a sequel where Kyouya has a change of heart and marries Veronica!**


End file.
